A Twist of Humor

This is a column with a twist of humor. A new column will be posted every Monday.

Location: Newfoundland

I was born, raised, educated, and married in Toronto. I moved to Newfoundland twenty some years ago with my wife. So far nobody has asked me to leave. My wife asking me to leave doesn't count.

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Visitor

A while ago my wife decided that I needed a change of scenery. Thinking only of my welfare, and without my knowledge, she called my two sisters and brother in Ontario and asked if I could stay with one of them. My wife told me it took several days for them to decide who I was going to stay with. It seems there was a big family argument about it. I guess each one of them wanted me stay at their home. It gives one a warm feeling to be wanted and loved like that.

As soon as it was decided who I was staying with my wife had me at the airport. It seems, being the forward thinking person she is, she had the ticket already bought and my bags packed several days before she phoned my brother and sisters. When I was aboard the airplane, as it was moving to the runway, I looked out my window towards the airport viewing deck and I thought I could see my wife dancing a happy jig. A lump arose in my throat and my eyes got misty. This woman loved me so much that she was dancing a jig of happiness because I was getting a well deserved rest.

The flight was uneventful. At least it would have been uneventful except that I wore my old sneakers instead of my new ones. A half hour into the flight my feet hurt, so I took off my sneakers. Well, you never heard such a plane load of whiners and complainers. It got so bad the plane was diverted to Halifax where I was put on a bus to complete my journey to Ontario. I was also banned from flying for six months.

When I was nearing my journey’s end I phoned my sister to ask her to pick me up at the bus station. Curiously I couldn’t reach her or my other sister and brother no matter how many times I phoned or left messages. So I rented a car.

After getting lost a few times I eventually arrived at my sister’s house and knocked on the door and waited…..and waited. Strangely, even though she knew when I was arriving because I had told her on my phone messages, no one answered the door. I walked around the house trying to peek in through a window but unfortunately all the drapes were closed. I saw the drapes flutter a few times as if someone was behind them. I thought for a minute that my sister, who is a playful sort, might have been playing hide and seek with me. I rapped on all the windows and called out several times but no one answered. I guess she didn’t get my messages.

You won’t believe this but the same thing happened at my other sister and brother’s homes. Amazingly they hadn’t received my messages either nor were they at home; and for some reason their drapes were also closed.

I spent a week living in my rental car driving back and forth between my sisters’ and brother’s homes trying to catch them in, but no matter what time of the day or night I always missed them. Talk about bad luck. Occasionally I thought I saw someone through a crack in the closed drapes, but it always turned out to be my imagination.

Finally, even though I knew they would be very disappointed in not having seen me, I left for home in my rental car.
By the time I arrived at the ferry terminal in Nova Scotia I had basically been living in my car for over a week so I immediately sought out the shower facilities in the terminal. I didn’t want to take any chances of being put off the ferry in the middle of the Gulf before I reached Newfoundland. As I learned on the airplane there are a lot of whiners and complainers lurking around just waiting to go into action over the least little thing.

When I got home the drapes were closed and the doors were locked. Fortunately I had a key for this house. Inside I found a note from my wife. It read, “I need a rest so I’ve gone to visit your sister.” Would you believe that?

© Mike Cook 2006


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww man....LOL
I thought that only happens
with my folks...

At any rate- did you get to eat
any turkey???


1:38 PM  

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